


Aftermath Of The Maiden Battle

by Zelinkslullaby



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd-centric, POV Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, i wrote this so fast its not that great but hey, please heed the warnings, this is very angsty, whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-06 08:15:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21223442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zelinkslullaby/pseuds/Zelinkslullaby
Summary: Felix expresses his disgust with Dimitri's actions after their maiden battle, and Dimitri struggles to deal with the beast he's become."Things will never be the same again. Felix has seen this darkness festering inside me, and I know I have lost another. My best friend since birth.Sylvain and Ingrid will soon followAnd I'll truly be all alone. Everyone will have left me behind... despising my very existence and audacity to come out of the tragedy alive..."





	Aftermath Of The Maiden Battle

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE do not read this if you are triggered by suicidal actions/thoughts/ or ideation! I promise you wont be missing much.  
Dimitri is very upset and does not know how to deal with his emotions.

Felix couldnt even look at me. I wouldnt be able to look at me either... I didnt want to be me...  
I took their lives... so many lives... without feeling a thing-  
No... no, I did feel something  
..._joy_.  
I'm going to lose what little I'd eaten-  
On instinct I run from camp, retching in the river. My entire body shakes with the violence of it.  
  
Trembling still and feeling somehow fainter, I curl in on myself. Already on my knees with my arms clutching my stomach and forehead against the freezing, wet ground.

  
_You did so well, Dimitri _  
_ Now, continue_  
_ Grow in your skills_  
_ Avenge us!_

  
Their whispers caress my ear like a bone chilling breeze. I heave again, but nothing comes to relieve me of this sickness.  
  
Nothing can ever relieve me of the sickness I feel toward myself.  
I took their lives... the lives of men, brothers, husbands, and fathers. Of women, sisters, wives, and mothers.  
Their blood will forever stain my hands...  
How could I have done that? Without hesitation? Enjoying it? I am supposed to protect them. As their prince, I am to help them prosper, live happy lives  
And yet I took them... just like they took my family and friends...  
  
A weight on my hip makes itself known. It feels heavier. Calling me.  
With trembling hands, I hold out my dagger, catching a glimpse of my monstrous face in its double edged reflection.  
  
_"How could you-?! You-! You're a- a _monster_! What's _wrong_ with you!? You didn't have to take their lives so gruesomely- we might not even have had to take their lives at all!"_  
  
_ "Felix! I-" 'I dont know what happened- one moment we were standing together and the next I felt someone's Skull crushing in my hand. And even that's foggy-'_  
_ "Felix I- I dont know what happened! Everything just went dark-" I take a step toward him, pleading._  
  
_ "Get away from me!" He retreats equal distance I've taken. Steps further. Disgust is so clear in his features, it's as though it's the only expression he's ever made, "You-! You're no different from a wild boar! An animal!" There are tears streaming down his face. I can only see them from the way they glint in the firelight. They're because of me... My chest aches so strongly want to keel over. The pang is more than I can bare._  
  
_ "Monster! You're not fit to be king! There's nothing human left in you! You're just- a _Boar_!" The river of tears on his cheeks flow faster, and I can feel my face beginning to mirror his. He all but runs away, his words hitting me like a thousand gauntlets to the chest._  
  
Things will never be the same again. Felix as seen this darkness festering inside me, and I know I have lost another. My best friend since birth.  
  
Sylvain and Ingrid will soon follow  
  
And I'll truly be all alone. Everyone will have left me behind... despising my very existence and audacity to come out of the tragedy alive...  
  
I wasn't aware my heart could shatter more. It is nothing but dust- dust that carves and burns and aches in every crevice of my chest. Tearing apart my very soul.  
  
Yet... could someone with actions as depraved as mine truly even have a heart...?  
  
I spin the dagger around, the tip aimed at the empty space where my heart would be.  
  
If I... If I finally do it... I'll never be able to take the life of another again...  
I'll never have to see that look in Felix's eyes again.... The fear and betrayal... The disgust...  
I-  
I cant bare it.  
  
The tip of the blade is sharp against my chest...  
One final push is all it would take.  
I'd never bring such suffering to anyone again...  
_I could be with them again_... Like I should have been...  
  
_No!_  
_ Coward!_  
_ Have you forgotten your obligations to us?_  
_ Find them! Kill them!_  
_ And then maybe... we will let you rest._  
  
I can't pull my hands away.  
I cant stop crying.  
What do I do?  
  
How can I- how can one such as I continue living?  
  
It's wrong. It was a mistake. I never should have survived in the first place!  
I should die for my sins!  
  
The blade breaks skin.  
  
My voice betrays me by crying out. It's a short, high pitched squeal through tears.  
  
"Your highness?"  
  
'Rodrigue-!' My breath hitches. The dagger is back in its sheath instantly. I dry my face with my sleeves.  
  
"Your highness! What are you doing alone out here?" He looks stern. My head is pounding as I quickly scan his face for disgust and anger.  
  
None.  
  
So Felix hasn't told him...  
  
"I... was just washing up. I apologize if I have caused any worry." Thankfully, somehow, my voice remains even. I stand straight and steady, then give a bow of apology. My vision blurs with the force of an oncoming migraine, and for a moment I'm afraid I'll vomit again.  
  
"No matter. Come on back to camp, you should rest after our hard earned victory."  
  
_Victory?!?!?!_  
  
It takes everything in me not to baulk at him.  
  
'I didn't aquire victory! I murdered civilians under the excuse of quelling a rebellion! To look upon such acts with any sort of pride or praise is abhorrent! Disgusting!'  
  
"I will return soon. Please, do not wait up for me." I reply, voice devoid of all emotion.  
  
He bows respectfully- as if I deserve it, and leaves without another word.  
  
I retch again, but it's all bile by now. It burns, and I know it's a misery I deserve.  
  
When the dagger at my hip sings for its rightful place in my heart again, father whispers upon a breeze;  
_Avenge us, and then you can rest._  
-  
  
Felix avoids me like the plague when I return. Rightfully so... I don't blame him.  
  
In my tent, alone, I lie awake.  
'Worthless.  
Weak.  
Useless.  
Coward.  
Pathetic.  
Boar.'  
Another word to describe what I have become.  
What I always will be  
Until they finally allow me to rest...


End file.
